This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
