After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
