New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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