i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
