i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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