wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
