He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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