So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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