can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize