Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
