im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
