unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
