Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
