Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
