she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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