When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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