Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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