if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
