a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
