Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
