so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need water and some morals
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
