I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
