He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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