Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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