Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
