My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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