we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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