porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
