i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize