My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
