I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
