i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
