Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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