I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize