omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How's work?
Spinning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
