maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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