How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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