absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
