I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
