His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
