she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
