It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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