new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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