note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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