I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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