i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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