Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
