Having a random hookup so left but love u
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
