Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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