I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
