I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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