apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
