Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize