He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
