so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
