I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
