The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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