My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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