Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
