Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize