nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
