Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
