Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
