like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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