Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
