So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
