We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
