Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
