dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
try to milk me bitch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
