High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
