my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
