i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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