you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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