I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
