There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
