But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize