Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
