I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
