Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
