Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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