I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
