he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You're like the curious george of whores
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
