Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
