I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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