It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
