Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
