My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
