Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
