I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
