Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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