one two three fourrrrnication!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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