I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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