You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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