im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You dont lie about slip and slides
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
