Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
